A long journey is ahead but im finding that inevitably some AMABs seem to have found a new workaround, to create new ways of using us. In this pattern I noticed recently its for free 'emotional labour', an online girlfriend of sorts.
This is how it generally goes. A man matches with me on a dating site. They hit me with some fun and silly questions about myself, perhaps even strike up a genuinely interesting conversation about something mentioned on my profile with what appears to be a confident ease. It is probobly more like confidence gained through repetition - as I can only assume they have had lots of practice speaking to women online when they have repeated this many times before to many others before me.
Generally it will be someone who is easy to talk to, funny, self aware and full of compliments. Essentially someone I would like to get to know, be taken on a date by.
We will chat for a day or so testing the waters and then they will ask me out. Cute! I get that sweet dopamine hit from someone expressing an interest in me. We make plans, maybe even set a date to meet or perhaps say we will decide on a time in a few days time when they aren't so busy. This date won't happen for some reason or another - perhaps work gets too busy, or one of us is sick or some other very much valid reason why we can't meet on our chosen day. That's fine! As someone who is disabled myself I never have a problem with someone rescheduling plans. Life can get busy and things will inevitably get in the way.
We promise we will meet another day soon. But here is the rub. That date never happens, and I'm not altogether sure if it's intentional or not but the date keeps being promised and is never followed through on. At first I'm told they are too busy this coming week, and then the next and the next. We chat often, perhaps even daily about our lives - exchange SFW pictures of our daily adventures and perhaps even one evening a few NSFW photos are exchanged... After all we feel like we know each other really well after weeks of chatting, and tension builds in us both as we wait for a good time to meet. But we don't meet, and never will.
The first few times it seemed like just one of those things that was never meant to happen, it didn't work out, the stars never aligned for us. The thing is this keeps happening with different suitors and the more it happens, the more it's beginning to feel calculated. It feels like these men are stealing a service from me.
Beacause yes thats right, i do offer this as a SW service. Days or weeks of chatting online, daily emotional support, cute selfies - what I would describe on my OnlyFans as "the girlfriend experience". Not just that but also a sexting session. All free of charge under the promise that will go on a date, that there is an irl connection to be made.
The thing is that they never hold up their end of the bargain, and it's starting to feel like they never intended to. Your thinking perhaps I am paranoid right? but this keeps happening, over and over.
Let me give you some examples:
Man A - talks to me every day for fortnight until our date, which he has to cancel due to personal reasons. No contact for a few months then appears again and resumes chatting daily for a few months this time - always promising a future date, decribing the date to me even, showering me with compliments, memes, voice notes etc etc. After a few attempts from me to actually pin down a time he severs contact AGAIN only to crop back up moths later. I politely responded, ensuring I included no questions so as not to encourage any further conversation. If I get contacted again I will give him a piece of my mind.
Man B - this man talks to me daily, once again showering me with compliments, promising to pick me up on his motorbike. We chat consistently every couple of days for 3 weeks. No motorbike ride and the 3rd time I ask about when we might actually meet he stops chatting.
Man C - A date is arranged for in a week and half. We chat alot the first few days and consistently ongoing but the date has to be rescheduled. He works half the time in my city and half the time in another one. We talk and talk and I shut down any kind of sexual chat as he starts it because I am getting wise. I don't even notice 2 moths pass of chatting after 1 last attempt to choose a day his response 'I don't know when I will be in Bristol next'. I tell him I won't ask anymore, coz it makes me feel silly, balls in your court buddy.
Man D - a particular piece of shit this one. He matches with me and asks for a date the following Sunday. Talks to me for 3 days pretty intensely and then starts trying to sext me one day. I essentially let him sext himself with very minimal input from my end - purely yes or no answers maybe 1 'what a good boy' text for good measure. A day later he makes an offhand comment about us having sex on our date and I correct him and explain that deffinately isn't my intention for our date and not the sort of connection I am currently looking for, he agrees - him neither and apologises for the assumption. He continues to chat upto the evening before our date and then no communication from him. He doesn't even bother to cancel the date ahah.
Man E - seems like such a nice person and I enjoy chatting to him, a month passes of talking every few days. I ask about that date he asked me on and he is busy this week but asks when I'm free. I say he's gotta tell me, as he's the one that's busy ya'know, and then there's less communication from him.
I have subs who happily pay a monthly subscription to my site for the privilege of chatting to me, many of which have become friends and almost Internet boyfriends in their own right. These people didn't meet me under some false pretense of a date, the⁹y respect my boundries and time enough to pay for it and check in that I am comfortable with the level of contact we have. Its a consensual arrangement an I think its because of this, and because of my time being paid for and respected that the above examples have began to feel like disrespect. Honestly like theft. What makes men in the dating sphere think its OK to use a woman's time up with no follow through on their promises?
Sex work has taught me so much and will continue to do so. But who is teaching the men? They seem to simply move to more covert ways of using women and their minds and their bodies in whatever and for whatever they want - like they have some sort of claim to us. Society hates sex workers but at least In my OnlyFans world I set the terms and they are non-negotiable. I'm the Boss and my sweet subs address me as such.